From: “Squirmtrap” Squirmtrap@wormneverdies.org
To: “Sulphino” Sulphino@wormneverdies.org
Subject: Re: Marital Conflicts

My Dear Sulphino,

That was quite a row between your patient and her husband. Delightful! It was so spectacular, in fact, that I’m afraid it momentarily distracted Glimewad from his duties with the neighbor across street. Fortunately, that particular neighbor is given to spying and eavesdropping and was enjoying the event as well, so no real harm done.

And to think your patient and her husband practically came to blows over who left the light on in the upstairs bathroom! Ah, these silly humans like to think themselves high-minded and noble and scrupulous for truth when they are likely as not arguing over some trifling matter. Even when they realize this mid-argument, they feel as though they must continue for the principle of the thing (it’s what they tell themselves, at any rate).

It would have been much easier on your patient’s marriage—not to mention her vocal cords—if she had simply flipped off the lights and went about her business. Humans so often prefer the more difficult route—unless, of course, it requires self-sacrifice. At times they do our job more effectively than we do, eh, Sulphino?

Please don’t think, however, that you may bask in your victory for long. As with the lost-temper incident with her child, you don’t want your patient to listen to the Enemy’s urgings to humble herself and admit her fault in escalating the incident. Her thoughts must dwell on her husband’s faults–and they are many, to be sure. It would have been just as easy for her husband to acknowledge his forgetfulness, flip off the lights, and drop the subject when confronted. How much better for us, is it not, that instead he rolled his eyes and muttered, “I guess we’ll have to give up that vacation this year since we just spent an extra 20 cents on electricity.”

These are the sorts of remarks that should be swirling about in your patient’s mind. If you are unable to keep her from praying about the conflict, her focus should be on asking the Enemy to change her husband’s disagreeable behavior, not her own.

You would also be well-advised to coax to life the little spark of resentment she has recently begun to feel about being in charge of household tasks. That article from a women’s magazine passed along to her by her neighbor (“Are You Oppressed?”) did a fine job of sowing the seeds of discontent.

Amusing, is it not, that in places where oppression of women actually occurs one is least likely to hear about it. The parts of the world where “women’s oppression” is decried the loudest tend to be, more likely than not, where oppression is defined as having to unload the dishwasher.

An Enemy soldier once said:

“The common notion of equality is based on the image of the march. In a parade, really unequal beings are dressed alike, given guns of identical length, trained to hold them at the same angle, and ordered to keep step with a fixed beat. But it is not the parade that is true to life; it is the dance. There you have real equals assigned unequal roles in order that each may achieve his individual perfection in the whole. Nothing is less personal than a parade; nothing more so than a dance. It is the choice image of fulfillment through function, and it comes very close to the heart of the Trinity. Marriage is a hierarchical game played by co-equal persons. Keep that paradox and you move in the freedom of the Dance; alter it, and you grow weary with marching.”

Keep this in mind when attempting to stir up your patient’s unhappiness with her role. Of course, your patient is correct that her husband ought to help out more around the house and appreciate her contributions. But by all means, let us keep her from enjoying the “dance.”

Your affectionate cousin,
Squirmtrap