From: “Squirmtrap” Squirmtrap@wormneverdies.org
To: “Bitternell” Bitternell@wormneverdies.org
Subject: Re: Busy Schedule
My Dear Bitternell,
Regarding your last e-mail…yes, I am aware that my suggestion to keep your patient’s schedule full is precisely the opposite advice I gave you about a previous patient.
If you will remember, your former patient was given to fits of intense melancholy. It was my opinion that if he were faced with long periods of solitude and inactivity, he would likely spend it in maudlin introspection, brooding, and eventually, despair. I was correct in my assessment. Your patient made an unsuccessful attempt to take his own life and then spent the next several months growing increasingly bitter (a fitting reminder of your worthy name, dear nephew). I should think that given my track record, you would have developed some confidence in my ability to advise you effectively.
Your current patient is decidedly not of the melancholy temperament. He is, in my opinion, rather too cheerful and optimistic. There is a danger that his moments of introspection would veer dangerously close to happiness, then gratitude—reminding him that gratitude makes sense only if there is Someone to whom he should be grateful. This could end in prayers of thanksgiving and praise to the Enemy…no, no, no—that will never do.
Your current patient should not be left alone with his own thoughts just yet. While idleness is indeed often “the devil’s playground,” (as the human vermin so vulgarly put it) I am surprised you have not learned by now that each human case is different. You’ll not make a great deal of progress in your training if you insist upon a one-size-fits-all solution for each patient. Unpredictability, adaptability, and shrewdness, my dear nephew. We are to be prowling lions, not yawning housecats.
Further, I was disturbed to learn that your patient was reading the Enemy’s letters before bed yesterday. Clearly he is not exhausted enough at the end of the day. I certainly hope, for your sake, that I will soon hear news of your patient’s employment with Dr. Snyder.
Your affectionate uncle,
Squirmtrap
